Where were you when...? I never thought I'd have one of these. Let me rephrase...I never wanted to have one of these. Growing up I would hear snippets from older family members "Pearl Harbor Day...shocked...JFK killed...crying..." These were shared experiences of an older generation that I wasn't a part of--a club I didn't belong to. And, now I do have a "Where were you when..." Let me rephrase...WE have a "Where were you when...?" We have our own club--a club we wish we didn't belong to.
The numbers 9-1-1 have so much meaning within them. They speak volumes about culture, history, hatred, fear, freedom, pain, division and unity, and humanity. Ask someone "Where were you when...?" or just say those numbers "9/11" and you open the floodgates of memories.
Why do we ask? Why do we feel the need to talk about it? About 6 months post 9/11 I was having lunch with a high school friend I hadn't seen in over 10 years. Within 15 minutes she asked, "Where were you when...?" So great was the need to discuss it we couldn't contain ourselves. We talked about 9/11 for an hour. This was our shared experience. This was healing. We needed to discuss it, to keep it real and alive--something so profound and unbelievable we couldn't not talk about it because we were still convincing ourselves it really happened. And, this scenario played out all across the world, the country--strangers, members of the same club compelled to share.
Our lives, our country, our world--everything we'd known changed that day. People looked at each other differently; for the better and for the worse. People thought about life differently. At eight months of pregnancy I became a magnet for love and emotion..."That life in there is so precious [strange hands on my belly]" and also disdain and fear..."How can you bring a life into this world knowing how horrible it is?" Exactly a month later I labored with my daughter while we watched 9/11 tributes on TV. I admit watching these same visions over and over again made me think...why did we bother with life that could be taken so quickly under such abhorrent circumstances? I couldn't help but think of the the lives lost...children, parents, siblings, friends...why bother, indeed?
You may be saying this type of things happens all over the world on a regular basis and you would be right. This is no less horrific and we should all be aware of the terror of the world and appreciate the freedoms and safety we have. But, 9/11 is our experience. This happened here. our lives were changed. Our histories written and our tied together by three little numbers that mean so much.
So, on this day of remembrance...ask a parent, ask a friend, ask a brother, ask the store cashier, "Where were you when...?" Share in this memory. Relive it. And, most importantly, don't ever forget. For those three numbers belong to all of us.
September 11, 2009
September 8, 2009
Good-bye may be the most difficult hyphenated word in the dictionary...or, is it two words?
I've said good-bye to many people in my life. I've lived in six different cities and sixteen different homes not including all of the separate places I lived in during college--all spread over three different states. That's a lot of good-byes. For awhile I used to delude myself by only saying "I'll see you around" as if that meant that I really would see them again. Most often this was not the case. And, always, always, always, I did not appreciate the quality and intensity of the relationships I had until I'd moved on and then longed for those people to be back in my life.
Earlier this week I said good-bye to an incredible friend. She moved to another state and I don't begrudge her in any way for making such a big decision...it was the right one and I honor that. It doesn't, however, make the parting any easier knowing it's for noble reasons. I've known my friend for about 4 years. I've had many more friends for much longer than this, but these four years could have been twenty for the quality and substance included within them.
I'll be honest that I don't make friends easily. You may scoff, but the reality is that I am quick to make acquaintances, but close friends are rare...especially female friends. Now, women, don't get offended. I like women, but you are very complex, often dramatic, and many of you have these unwritten rules to friendship that I have a hard time following. Men--most men--are as you see them. It's all out there, grudges are few and far-between, and I know I don't have to worry that you are concerned that I'm wearing white socks with black pants because you don't care. Of course, in both cases this is an exaggeration. My husband abhors my affinity for white socks which is why I now wear them under my black dress socks. Yes, I often wear two pairs of socks--one pair of comfy whites and one pair of dressy black over them. But, I digress...
Then, I meet my friend. She is intelligent, funny, makes mistakes and moves on, accepts and loves my eccentric children, always leaves me in her dust when we walk together, teaches me so much about being true to myself, is a little type-A in the organization and food departments, is a constant cheerleader and supporter (sans pom-poms), helps me jump-start my car, doesn't bat an eye at the smells and chunks of vomit coming out of a child, always knows just the right thing to say and is not afraid to say it, and on, and on, and on.
How could I not adore this person? And, after four years, she moves away. Now, I'm not going to sit here and whine that she left me. (I've already done that...and, it didn't do any good). I'm glad she did. She gets to be closer to family and I get to experience saying good-bye knowing throughout this arduous process how much she means to me; being able to show her and tell her how I feel. I have never done this before. And, to be quite honest, I think it was easier before when I just up and moved without considering the relationships I was leaving. This has been a long and difficult process and I know that there are others going through it with me. We all love our friend and miss her very much. I also know that I didn't handle it exactly as I'd planned. I had weeks to prepare for the good-bye and still didn't manage to get out all the things I wanted to say...how much she means to me, how much she has taught me, how much I appreciate her. But, I did better than I ever have before and I think she knows all of these things without me having to spell them out for her. She's just really smart like that :-)
Now, I realize there are such things as phones and mail--and, these amazing communication tools called email and Facebook. So far she hasn't unfriended me [knock on plastic keyboard]. I admit I am selfish and a little envious of her kids, grandkids, and new community. And, I am also happy for them all. Because I know that she means a lot to me, I am going to work hard to keep in touch (which I've never done before). FB helps me see her pretty mug anytime I wish. And, I get to see how happy she is in her new life with her family close by...and, in a warmer climate ;-)
Life goes on and each day gets a little easier. I smile all the time as I see her everywhere I go...at the lake, in the piles of work and meticulous handwritten notes that she left me, in pictures, and in my children and the children I work with that have benefited from her presence in their lives.
I encourage the hoards of followers reading this (okay, just the three) to take time today to remind someone how much they mean to you. Learn from me...true friends should never be unappreciated. They are so rare.
And, to you, Friend...I miss you...Thank you for all that you have been, all that you are, and all that you will continue to be in my heart and the hearts of all that you have touched here. I know that you are not far...Facebook is just a click away ;-)
Earlier this week I said good-bye to an incredible friend. She moved to another state and I don't begrudge her in any way for making such a big decision...it was the right one and I honor that. It doesn't, however, make the parting any easier knowing it's for noble reasons. I've known my friend for about 4 years. I've had many more friends for much longer than this, but these four years could have been twenty for the quality and substance included within them.
I'll be honest that I don't make friends easily. You may scoff, but the reality is that I am quick to make acquaintances, but close friends are rare...especially female friends. Now, women, don't get offended. I like women, but you are very complex, often dramatic, and many of you have these unwritten rules to friendship that I have a hard time following. Men--most men--are as you see them. It's all out there, grudges are few and far-between, and I know I don't have to worry that you are concerned that I'm wearing white socks with black pants because you don't care. Of course, in both cases this is an exaggeration. My husband abhors my affinity for white socks which is why I now wear them under my black dress socks. Yes, I often wear two pairs of socks--one pair of comfy whites and one pair of dressy black over them. But, I digress...
Then, I meet my friend. She is intelligent, funny, makes mistakes and moves on, accepts and loves my eccentric children, always leaves me in her dust when we walk together, teaches me so much about being true to myself, is a little type-A in the organization and food departments, is a constant cheerleader and supporter (sans pom-poms), helps me jump-start my car, doesn't bat an eye at the smells and chunks of vomit coming out of a child, always knows just the right thing to say and is not afraid to say it, and on, and on, and on.
How could I not adore this person? And, after four years, she moves away. Now, I'm not going to sit here and whine that she left me. (I've already done that...and, it didn't do any good). I'm glad she did. She gets to be closer to family and I get to experience saying good-bye knowing throughout this arduous process how much she means to me; being able to show her and tell her how I feel. I have never done this before. And, to be quite honest, I think it was easier before when I just up and moved without considering the relationships I was leaving. This has been a long and difficult process and I know that there are others going through it with me. We all love our friend and miss her very much. I also know that I didn't handle it exactly as I'd planned. I had weeks to prepare for the good-bye and still didn't manage to get out all the things I wanted to say...how much she means to me, how much she has taught me, how much I appreciate her. But, I did better than I ever have before and I think she knows all of these things without me having to spell them out for her. She's just really smart like that :-)
Now, I realize there are such things as phones and mail--and, these amazing communication tools called email and Facebook. So far she hasn't unfriended me [knock on plastic keyboard]. I admit I am selfish and a little envious of her kids, grandkids, and new community. And, I am also happy for them all. Because I know that she means a lot to me, I am going to work hard to keep in touch (which I've never done before). FB helps me see her pretty mug anytime I wish. And, I get to see how happy she is in her new life with her family close by...and, in a warmer climate ;-)
Life goes on and each day gets a little easier. I smile all the time as I see her everywhere I go...at the lake, in the piles of work and meticulous handwritten notes that she left me, in pictures, and in my children and the children I work with that have benefited from her presence in their lives.
I encourage the hoards of followers reading this (okay, just the three) to take time today to remind someone how much they mean to you. Learn from me...true friends should never be unappreciated. They are so rare.
And, to you, Friend...I miss you...Thank you for all that you have been, all that you are, and all that you will continue to be in my heart and the hearts of all that you have touched here. I know that you are not far...Facebook is just a click away ;-)
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