Are we a big ol' group of judgers?

I started my new job this week and I'm slowly meeting all of my new colleagues. It's an interesting process of little assessments and once overs. Everything you say, how you say it, your body language...all of it...go into my initial feelings and ideas about who you are as a person. You might say this is judgmental and I would say you are right. Isn't that what meeting people is all about? I'd love to say I have forever and a day to engage in endless conversation that delves into the very meat and potatoes of your soul. But, I don't. And, if I do say so myself, I am a fairly good judge of humanity. Sometimes that's due to my savvy people skills. Sometimes it's because you lay it out on the table.

At my first meeting today, one of my colleagues said she doesn't like people. Now, this is an interesting statement to make considering 1) I am a person and you are saying this to me; and 2) the very nature of our work demands that you have interactions with a multitude of people all day long with little respite. This gives me pause. Of course, there were clarifying remarks that followed ensuring that I was not to take this personally and that her dislike of people did not include me. Um, are you sure? You just met me and believe you-me, I can be as crappy and irritating a human being as the next guy (or gal). Maybe I give off some kind of "nice person vibe" or maybe I'm short and less frightening than most. The one caveat was that just as I was making my judgments about her character (I really like her, by the way) she was judging me in return.

I guess that leads me to the question...is judging a bad thing? Or is a little judgment just our way of figuring each other out? I think the answer is yes...to both questions. At least it can be both. It is human nature to try to understand each other and sometimes that takes a little "determining" about the person in front of you. But, sometimes that 'judging" becomes tainted with mean-ness. If my wondering about my new colleague means I'm making comparisons or thinking I'm better than that person, that's when judgment goes wrong.

So, the next time you meet someone new, decide if you are "determining" or if you are "comparing." You just might learn something about yourself.