Shame, shame...I know your name...

Do you remember this from our childhood? "Shame, shame...I know your name?" While I say this I am repeatedly sliding the index finger of my right hand down the length of my left hand. This little hand gesture adds insult to injury showing just how shameful you (I've) been. Today, a sweet friend sent me a message asking about my lack of blog posts which immediately brought to mind..."shame, shame...I know your name." I could even envision the hand gesture. So, I've been a little slack-a-days-ickle. I am a slacker...I admit it.

For those of you who don't know, I spent the past three years in college, again, this time getting a degree in elementary education. Since we (my friend and I) graduated in early May, she was thinking that I should have plenty of time to post. And, I would have to agree....I "should" have time. But, where has it all gone?

So, in an effort to catch you up on the past four months and maybe eek a tiny bit of sympathy from you, here goes...

The best part of going through graduation "again" was the invention of the cell phone. I'm sure someone had a cell phone when I first graduated in 1995, but poor college students didn't have them. I admit to texting during the less than interesting and downright confusing (maybe I'm not that smart?) speeches. While I appreciate the time, energy, and guts it took to stand up and speak...complaining about them was more fun than actually listening.

I had a month off between graduation and the time the kids got out of school that was purely mine...at least that's how it should have been. Somehow, I filled in my schedule quite quickly and that whole pesky find-a-job thing kept getting in the way, too. If I could have a re-do, I would say no to 75% of the things I let take up that month. I do admit, however, to a few afternoons of reading and napping...but, don't let it get out.

So, the job hunt thing...ugh! I applied to every job I didn't want because there are no jobs (yet) that I do. And, I let it take up a ton of time and energy...it takes time and creativity to put cute little stickers on the beautiful linen envelope that would carry my resume, letter, transcript, references, blood sample, lock of hair, and first born...all sent knowing that the jobs that were listed weren't really jobs because they were already spoken for before they were even posted...double ugh! Meanwhile, I'm waiting...and SCREAMING FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOPS THAT I WANT A JOB!!!! Okay, now that that's out of my system...I'll keep waiting.

In addition to that pesky job thing are my pesky kids. Okay, just kidding...they rock. However, they can be pesky at times...they learned it from me. We spent quite a bit of time at the dentist with our 8-yr old daughter who, on the second to last visit to take care of some pesky (I love that word) cavities, could be heard screaming from the top of her lungs "I hate the dentist! You people are crazy!" Um, yeah...she really doesn't like the dentist. We were summarily sent to a "specialist" to handle her "difficult behavior."

Speaking of teeth, after two more slacker tooth fairy incidents...that tooth fairy is the worst! "Maybe the tooth fairy couldn't find your tooth" says the slacker parent in the morning when her son finds his tooth and no money. The role of tooth fairy is one of the tenants of our responsibilities as parents and we have failed miserably. One time we gave him money but couldn't find the tooth. In the morning, our son came out with the tooth and the money and felt like he'd pulled one over on the tooth fairy (ie. "us" since he knows there is no tooth fairy). More on our tooth fairy fiascos can be found here.

We have been vacation maniacs. Don't let a little thing like being broke get in the way of a good vacation...it's amazing what you can pull out of thin air. And, it helps to have 60,000 credit card points banked that help pay for hotel rooms. Many lunchmeat sandwiches and 2,500 miles later we drove through 8 states and visited our nation's capital. This was a test of the family and we all managed to survive. We never saw the president, but we did get to see the official White House beekeepers which was the next best thing! Our daughter's favorite memory will be the super power hand dryers in all the bathrooms which make your skin wrinkly. I will admit to putting my face under one which then scarred our daughter for life. Our son who wanted this trip more than any of us--will remember how our daughter incessantly chews with her mouth open. And, then you get home and everyone goes back to their separate rooms and separate TVs and all is well with the world...or, is it?

And, filling up the rest of my time...laundry, arguing with children, sweeping, telling my children to stop arguing, reading, arguing with my children, swimming, arguing some more, mowing, telling my children I'm done arguing, feeding pets, arguing some more...Is summer over, yet?

I would totally marry George Jetson...if I could have a robot maid

When I was a kid The Jetsons were a staple of our TV viewing. Maybe it's my lazy alter-ego, but there was just something incredible about having a robot maid do your work for you, robotic arms bursting through the wall to do anything you didn't feel like doing [just can't reach that itchy spot on my back--why, thank you robot arm!]. Or, the air tube that zoomed you from one place to the next and the chair that carried you anywhere you didn't care to walk yourself. Aaagh, a girl can dream, right?

I'm sitting here thinking I should go to bed. But, my body is resisting. In my head, I understand the consequences of staying up late. When I wake up groggy and irritable in the morning, I'll berate myself for my irresponsibility. But, I just can't will my body to get up and do all the "stuff" that getting ready for bed entails. If it were only as simple as getting into bed and falling asleep. Before I go to bed I still have to...switch loads of laundry, fold the dry load, turn on the dishwasher, turn off all the lights, lock the doors, tidy up along the way, brush my teeth, put on pjs, write a teacher note for one kid, write a check for sports and prepare to mail, search the house for scattered library items to return tomorrow, and on, and on, and on. From the comfort of the couch, these things seem monumental. Sitting here is so relaxing. I have an endless supply of programming available on cable. I've got a drink, a warm blanket, the world at my fingertips on the computer, and my phone...I'd say I'm good...for, oh, the next week or more.

So, what puts us over the edge toward movement? What gives us the momentum we need to change direction or move forward? Maybe it's the reward--a warm and cozy bed, well deserved rest? I'm thinking that's what will do it for me. I'm going to admit something to you...just between you and me...I actually make an audible moan of pleasure getting into bed. Sounds creepy, right? I know. But, oh, the feeling that you are done for the day; that, even though there may be dirty dishes in the sink, laundry sitting wet in the washer, and a myriad of other tasks still on the list, it's over and I can finally let go. It's truly the most selfish thing I do every day...setting everything aside to do something for myself--sleep.

So, what's holding me back? If I love my bed and sleep so much why can't I just get moving? It's calling me..can you hear it? "Come to bed...get some rest." Instead, here I sit...can't will myself to move. Maybe if I roll there? Anyone out there willing to come and carry me? Now that I think of it, this couch is looking inviting. If I just fall over on my side I'll be in a perfect position to sleep. A blanket, pillow, couch...even an alarm on my phone...no need to even get up!

Okay, feet planted on the floor...quadriceps tightened...forward momentum with my upper body...and, I did it! I'm up! Now, if only that mechanical chair and robotic maid were here to take care of the rest.

Let the lovin' commence!

That ooey-gooey day of love has reared it's hot-blooded head again. And, as with all major holidays, it's a good time to reflect on Valentine's past, present, and future...think A Christmas Carol for cupid.

The many-years-ago past: My 6th grade boyfriend (I know, I know...I was an early bloomer and I use the word "boyfriend" loosely) gave me the art project we were supposed to give to our parents. It was layers of red construction paper hearts glued together about an inch high and 2.5 inches around, and shellacked to a shiny finish. He had written "I love you" on it. It was so sweet and I still have it to this day. Let's keep this our secret...wouldn't want my husband to be jealous of my 25 year old "relationship."

Forward a few years: Receiving 6 red carnations through my high school's Valentine fundraiser was a shocker. (I, apparently, had dated enough in middle school as I didn't date in high school.) They were signed "A Secret Friend" whom I later found to be one of my great guy friends. Notice, I don't say boyfriend. We never ended up dating after that...not sure why. So sweet and this year he's enjoying his first Valentine's as a "spouse" with the woman of his dreams...so happy for him.

Early College: My dear friend (and roommate) and I were consummate downers regarding Valentine's. We claimed it as our very own Black [insert day of the week] regardless of the day it landed on. No, not the day you go shopping...broke college students don't go shopping! We wore black and ate ALL day. It was all about the food. Because, food IS love, right?? And, it just happened that my yearly doctor visit happened around Valentine's Day. I can still recall the same nurse every year making the same bad joke--"Happy V-D day." Yes, it was that kind of doctor visit.

Late College: I had finally snagged the man of my dreams. Apparently, I went to college for my MRS. degree [insert pathetic laugh here]. My honey proposed to me on Valentine's Day at the edge of Lake Michigan in the freezing cold. We couldn't see the lake because of the fog, but it was still very sweet. I skipped all my classes that day and watched all the proposals and surprise weddings on Oprah [insert tears here]. Quite a change from the Black Friday of a few year's earlier.And, just the beginning of a series of romantic dinners, gifts, jewelry, flowers, cards. I know...disgustingly sweet.

Now: After 13 years of marriage, our V-Day has been relegated to..."Honey Dear Love of My Life, are we doing gifts this year?" [crossing fingers for a "no"] and, then..."Sorry, Sweety-Pie Highlight of My Life, I didn't get you anything." [uncross fingers, sigh of relief--dodged another one]. Okay, sans the gooey names...it really has come to this! Instead of a romantic dinner at a posh restaurant, we're meeting friends for a movie (with all of our kids) and then getting pizza afterward. It will not be the romantic evenings of our younger marriage, but great fun, nonetheless.

The Future: Who knows? Guessing the gift situation will remain giftless as we begin repaying student loans soon and my spouse begins racking up his own student loans as he starts schooling of his own. But, like Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol, we've learned through the past and present that it's not about what you receive, it's about what you are able to give. And, we both have lots of love to give...no, potty-mind, not that kind of love.

My challenge to you on this ooey-gooey day of loving is to love the person closest to you with all you have to offer. Whether it's your child, your spouse, your parent, your neighbor, or, most importantly, yourself. Celebrate this day as it should be...full of love, admiration, respect, caring, and faith in the world and each other.

Where have all my "friends" gone?

So, tonight I was procrastinating--again [insert eye-roll here]. I know...I think someone put a curse on me to always be a procrastinator. Anyway - I clicked over to Facebook [again with the eye-roll]. As I scanned down my list of friend updates, I felt like I was seeing the same people again and again. Yes, there were the regular posters and an equal amount that never post anything. But, beyond those...where were the rest of my 150 friends? (I know--you can't believe I have 150 friends--me either).

Then, I remembered...and, I felt a small pang of guilt...I had "hidden" them. You know---hiding is when you decide you can't do the mature thing and unfriend someone that offends or irritates you so you just hide them. They don't know and the "friend"ship continues unscathed. Well, once I searched around a bit, I found a list of all the "friends" I had hidden...32 to be exact. That's [insert your own math here] percent of my 150 total. I know...shame on me. (If there was a distinction between "good" and "bad" friends on FB, I would definitely be questionable.) But, then I couldn't remember why I had hidden them in the first place. So, I unhid them all.

[fast forward two hours]

While working diligently, I took a "peak" over to Facebook (peaking is not really procrastinating, right?)...And, my FB wall is packed with "______ was just tagged [insert picture of cleavage]" or "I can't believe ______. She is such a ________." and some things I can't even say out loud. Good grief, Charlie Brown. NOW I remember why I hid them. Ugh! You may say that I am being judgmental and elitest...you'd be correct. My time and wall space are valuable and your drama need not clog the system.

On the other hand, Facebook is a wonderful kind of craziness...it's a free for all and that's why I love it. I love hearing about your beer-brewing antics, your standing in line at grocery store, the funny thing your kid just said. I love that you share music, videos, and links to some wild stuff. And, I love to cheer you on as you lose weight, support your favorite team, or need to rant about the weather. But, if I want to look at cleaveage, I have my own and I know that ________ is a total ________. Needless to say, I have re-started the process of hiding "friends."

Now...this may leave you pondering two questions:

1) Why don't I just unfriend them? I am way too immature for that. And, I wouldn't want them to think I'm unfriendly and don't want to be their friend (even though we aren't really friends at all).

and

2) Have I hidden you? Hmmmm....shown any cleavage lately?

I'm way too old to be embarrassed...or, am I?

As the kids would say...I totally biffed it yesterday on the driveway. For us older folks, this translates to "I slipped on the ice and fell flat on my back." I know, all you ice-mavens are asking why I wasn't doing the penguin shuffle? For those of you with little to no experience walking on ice this is that goofy-looking walk that really should be categorized as a slide rather than a walk since you barely lift your feet (think 95 year old nursing home resident shuffling down the hallway). I'll admit I was in an infantile huff over something (what was that about, anyway?) and neglected everything I've learned from my lifetime of winter experience. Despite knowing that a slick patch of ice was lurking under the snow by the front steps, I was doing more stomping than walking, stepped right on that ice and landed on my back catching my ribs on the corner of the bottom step...[insert your sympathy here]. Ugh!

As I lay on the driveway in full view of all God's creation for a few minutes gathering myself together and assessing the damage to my aching body (I was only bruised, thank heavens), my thoughts gave rise to the embarrassment factor. Since I spent most of my younger years embarrassed by everything, I had thought I was over this. But, I couldn't decide if I wanted someone to come upon me and offer their assistance or if the situation was just too embarrassing. The aches, wet, and cold are quickly multiplying and all I can do is argue with myself over why, if at all, I should be embarrassed. I am an adult and falls happen to everyone. There really should be no embarrassment at all. But, there I lay...contemplating the need for help versus having someone see me in such a predicament. Will I never grow up? Why is it that we get embarrassed over something we have no control over? Or, did I? Maybe I was more embarrassed that I wouldn't have fallen at all were I not being immature and sulking.

So, my lesson for this week is...okay, my lessons (plural) for the week are: 1) think twice about throwing a tantrum--they never get you anywhere, and may just get you bruised up; 2) if you fall, either get yourself up or call for help--laying on the cold snowy driveway arguing with yourself is futile and only makes you more miserable; 3) the pain from a fall is far worse on day two; and 4) you are never to old to be embarrassed, but pick and choose when to allow it--walking around with your skirt tucked up into your pantyhose, thereby showing your bum to your coworkers is embarrassing - falling on a patch of ice isn't.

And, yes, I have experienced number 4...it was embarrassing and reason number #459 why no one should wear pantyhose anymore...they are an embarrassment opportunity just waiting to happen.

Shhhh, don't tell...

I'm all alone, sitting on the couch, watching Jane Austen's Emma on my husband's ridiculously (and deliciously) big screen TV. I've just eaten the biggest bowl of cheerios for dinner (very Seinfeld) and it's so pleasantly perfect. My family is off gallivanting around the state enjoying their wonderful day...all to my great pleasure. Now, don't get me wrong...I love, love, love my husband and children. But, I'll let you in on a little secret...I love being home alone. Tonight I am pretending to not have anything else to do so I can just sit and enjoy my solitude. Aaaaghh, the quiet is intoxicating. I encourage all of busy people out there who are never alone in your own home to make haste...time's a wasting. Schedule some fun for your loved ones...make up an excuse to stay home (let me know if you need help coming up with one)...and enjoy whatever amount of time you have (in your own home) doing whatever makes you happy. Here are a few activity (or sans activity) ideas to get you started...

1. spend 15 minutes napping on each bed in your home...this prepares you for number 2
2. take a wonderfully long, rejuvenating nap in the most comfy bed in the house
3. place every pillow from the house on the floor -- create your own oasis of leisure, comfy blankets only add to the effect
4. store up your favorite shows and movies on DVD or DVR to ensure viewing pleasure the second the front door closes on your family
5. play all those video games your kids (and spouse) play and you never take the time to -- they are fun...plus, you'll seem really cool when you can talk about their favorite games
6. do a puzzle (without "help" from the family)
7. order in even if it's not time to eat -- it's "kind of" like having someone else cook for you and you get to pick what you want with no giving in to anyone else
8. read a book or get a book on audiotape and let the book read to you

Okay, start planning now...because between you and me...I am in alone-time heaven. So, finagle some time and come up with your most luxuriously lazy alone-time non-activity.

Sorry, gotta run...got some me-time on the agenda. And, remember, it's just between you and me.

Whoever said no more excuses never met me...

My sister and I decided to work out together. Yes, she lives over 120 miles away! But, I decided I can't do it by myself...I'm so not motivated to work out. And, yes, I know I'm a certified fitness instructor...this rubs it in even more that I can get others to exercise, but not myself. Since I don't have anyone here to work out with, I asked my sister to work out with me. She agreed...hooray! We haven't figured out the logistics, but it basically means we will hold each other accountable. I need someone to get on me to work out...and, it can't be my husband. He has an innate ability to work out on his own...this drives me crazy! I would rather scrub the bathroom toilet than go work out. Don't get me wrong...I know the importance of exercise and I feel great while I'm doing it. But, the getting there is so hard! I kept thinking that a treadmill in our house was the answer, but I think it would just collect dust, or clothing, or become a plaything for the kids. That's a lot of $$ to spend on a clothes rack. So, I am back to the gym....aaargh! I went on Wednesday night and had a great run with some weights and plyometrics. It's now Friday and I so don't want to go. The time is quickly creeping nearer and already my head is full of excuses why I shouldn't go. Here's a few I've considered...

* It's 9 degrees outside -- a sweaty body out in this cold could cause major illness or even death!
* I have so much to do -- laundry, dishes, writing lesson plans, a toilet to scrub
* I forgot my water bottle -- the time it takes to continuously refuel my body with water at a drinking fountain negates the time I would actually be exercising
* I forgot my iPod -- leaving me the impossible decision of which cable channel to watch on my very own tv screen on my treadmill -- an endless decision that would, again, negate the time I would be there
* My butt is so comfy right here -- it's a lot of work to go exercise -- there's the standing up, putting on my coat, getting in the car, parking, walking into the gym, pushing the automatic door button, putting my coat in a locker, pushing the elevator button for the third floor (why take the stairs when there's an elevator?), actually doing the exercise, and then repeating the process...so much work--ugh!
* I might strain a muscle -- which means I wouldn't be able to fully participate in this weekend's activities with my family
* I might meet some hunky man working out who decides he needs to take me to Jamaica for a romantic getaway leaving my family in the lurch till he leaves me high and dry for another woman -- what would my family do without me until I return?

Oh, the reasons NOT to work out far outweigh the reasons TO work out. But, then I'd have to lie to my sister (which I am very good at, btw) about exercising and that would negate the whole "will you work out with me" thing we've set up. Ugh! What's a lazy girl to do? I know. I know...ugh -- fine...I'll just go work out. But, only because I have to...not because I want to!

*************3 hours later***************
I did it...under duress and only because I had to. I believe I broke my toe, my throat is parched, I must have pulled at least 145 muscles, I'm dehydrated, won't be able to move at all tomorrow and will need at least a week to recuperate. So, I hope you're happy. I did it. And, now until next time...I'm off to think of more excuses.

To "do" or not to "do"

I'm sitting at my desk looking out the window into the darkness of the late night. I can see the dim outline of our neighbor's home backlit by a dark snow-sky. I've been pining about not having the time to write more. So much to do, so little time...a to-do list a mile long. My neighbor also has a to-do list...and all the time in the world to get it done. He is retired and still young. He goes fishing, hunting, out with friends, volunteers, spends countless hours keeping his yard and home above par, and I envy him every bit for his freedom. I envy the sheer time he has to while away cutting his lawn, raking his roof, reading the paper...aagh, the life. Or, is it? I wish everyday for more time...for my family and friends, to work on my house, to shovel, to read, to vacuum. But, what would I do with more time? I would fill it with something else. I spent last semester in class four nights a week. When that was over my family was elated to have me home. And, somewhere between then and now, I've filled up three of my newfound free nights and Saturday morning. What I realize is that freedom to me is more than just free time...it's the ability to participate, to engage with others, to "do". If I spend the day "stuck" at home I go crazy...well, more like moody (just ask my husband). I get cranky thinking about all of the things we could or should be doing. That doesn't mean I don't have days at home. It means that I have been having more cranky days lately. I am a better person when I'm on the move. I was so much more productive when I was going to school full-time and working full-time. When there's no extra time, there's no time to waste. But, is sitting at home a waste of time? Is it okay to just hang out with my family, never bothering to get out of our pj's? Of course! Sometimes our body, mind, and spirit needs time to shut off. The to-do list isn't going to get done anytime soon, the snow will still be there...or, better yet, will fall again as soon as it gets shoveled. The grass can wait for mowing. Another day with a dirty toilet will not harm us. So, why can't I just let go? Ugh! I watch my neighbor and seethe envy at his continuous "doing" and pine away for the day I'll be able to do that. But, there are trade offs. His children no longer live with him, he's alone most of the day, and he is the only one there to get things done. My house may be a mess, my to-do list a mile long, my blog gathering dust...but they are mine. And, they can wait till tomorrow...it's time to snuggle with my kids :-)

Procrastinate with me!!

Since the weather has interrupted my 2-day travel plans (first total bummer), I'm resigned to spend this time studying for my licensing test on Saturday. Studying = Second total bummer... But, before I get started, I'm sure there are a few things I "need" to do...

- kids off to school - cereal - load of laundry - check facebook - shower (and a shave just in case I have to go to the emergency room; you never know!) - brush teeth - check facebook, again - straighten study area (good studying is organized studying) - warm blanket (gets cold sitting on my arse) - put away some Christmas decorations - check facebook, again (gotta keep up with my peeps) - And, finally, put on my super-study-rific, warm and cozy, oh so cuddly, fluffy socks (can't study with cold feet!)

Okay, so I'm ready...Or, am I? I'm sure there is something else that MUST be done before I can study. Studying is not nearly as important as, say, brushing the cobwebs from the ceiling. Who can study knowing that there are creapy crawlies hanging above? Oh, my. Is that the mail carrier? Can't leave the mail sitting out in the cold. The carrier has trudged through snow, sleet, ice, rain, and blazing heat to get me those bills and junk mail. I owe it to him to put my studying aside to go to the mailbox.

Okay, ready to study. No, wait...hold on...[run to bathroom and glide on some deoderant. A studying girl NEEDS to be dry and smelling good].

Okay, NOW I'm ready study. Well, maybe after I...

It can be wacky being a grown-up

I re-read my first blog post the other day. Wow, I really am wackadoo. But, more importantly, I came away from it feeling like I need to refocus. The wackadoo world we live in is supposed to be fun and light-hearted. Instead, the wackadoo world has gotten kind of serious and adult-like. I admit the past few months were intense. I was very busy with school and work and was hit in the heart with some serious life-altering realizations. But, I let them muddy up the great parts of life.

What I realize is that being an adult can be pretty sucky sometimes. A young person I know was in a really big hurry to grow up. She graduated from high school a semester early in an attempt to be an adult. She so wanted to move into the world...I think it was more of that youthful "I can't wait to do whatever I want to do" idea of what adulthood means. I kept telling her that adulthood is difficult; there are responsibilities. From her perspective it was all about staying up all night, hanging with friends, playing video games all day instead of going to class. This was her idea of adulthood. Even for an 18-year old this seems pretty naive.

As my blog posts moved away from the silliness of life and into the seriousness of life, I've been considering...what is adulthood? When did I cross the threshold? Have I, yet?

What I've deduced is that, while I'm still evolving, I'm constantly being thrust into adult-like situations but still yearning to recapture some of the "youth" I feel I missed growing up. Adulthood is not an age so much as it is actions or thoughts that put your own needs behind the needs of those who depend on you or those that are vested in your life...children, siblings, colleagues, parents. Choosing a path in life because it is in the best interest of your family is an adult behavior. Graduating from school early to live off your parent so that you can hang with your friends all night and sleep all day is slacker youth behavior.

I say this and it sounds judgmental. It is. It also sounds like being adult is a superior state of being. It isn't. I already stated that being an adult can be sucky. It's true. There are some days I lay in bed overwhelmed with the day ahead of me...a day packed with school, kids, work, laundry, bills. But, then I throw off the covers and roll out of bed knowing that the world may be packed with to-do lists but they are mine to handle as I may. Some days that means I get a little adult-serious. But, most often, I take them in stride knowing that life is short and adult-serious gets boring really fast. I have learned over the past few months that I can be responsible and a little wacky in the process...okay, a LOT wacky.