To "do" or not to "do"

I'm sitting at my desk looking out the window into the darkness of the late night. I can see the dim outline of our neighbor's home backlit by a dark snow-sky. I've been pining about not having the time to write more. So much to do, so little time...a to-do list a mile long. My neighbor also has a to-do list...and all the time in the world to get it done. He is retired and still young. He goes fishing, hunting, out with friends, volunteers, spends countless hours keeping his yard and home above par, and I envy him every bit for his freedom. I envy the sheer time he has to while away cutting his lawn, raking his roof, reading the paper...aagh, the life. Or, is it? I wish everyday for more time...for my family and friends, to work on my house, to shovel, to read, to vacuum. But, what would I do with more time? I would fill it with something else. I spent last semester in class four nights a week. When that was over my family was elated to have me home. And, somewhere between then and now, I've filled up three of my newfound free nights and Saturday morning. What I realize is that freedom to me is more than just free time...it's the ability to participate, to engage with others, to "do". If I spend the day "stuck" at home I go crazy...well, more like moody (just ask my husband). I get cranky thinking about all of the things we could or should be doing. That doesn't mean I don't have days at home. It means that I have been having more cranky days lately. I am a better person when I'm on the move. I was so much more productive when I was going to school full-time and working full-time. When there's no extra time, there's no time to waste. But, is sitting at home a waste of time? Is it okay to just hang out with my family, never bothering to get out of our pj's? Of course! Sometimes our body, mind, and spirit needs time to shut off. The to-do list isn't going to get done anytime soon, the snow will still be there...or, better yet, will fall again as soon as it gets shoveled. The grass can wait for mowing. Another day with a dirty toilet will not harm us. So, why can't I just let go? Ugh! I watch my neighbor and seethe envy at his continuous "doing" and pine away for the day I'll be able to do that. But, there are trade offs. His children no longer live with him, he's alone most of the day, and he is the only one there to get things done. My house may be a mess, my to-do list a mile long, my blog gathering dust...but they are mine. And, they can wait till tomorrow...it's time to snuggle with my kids :-)